Let’s Dance to the Rhythm of Change
The beauty of interpersonal relationships lie in the myriad of exchanges that can take shape. Depending on who you talk to, the history you share with a person, and the context in which you engage with them, sometimes you know the exact kind of conversation you are walking into, and sometimes you don’t.
What is the intentionality behind this conversation? Is it argumentative? Is it exploratory? Expressive? Offensive? Or something else? Depending on the answer to that, there can be endless possibilities, which would ultimately result in some form of change. Even if there’s no real objective or conclusion to a conversation, change in emotions and thoughts are certainly inevitable and why I find interpersonal exchanges so valuable and interesting.
To give an example, I recently caught up with a friend whom I met during my study abroad semester in Nepal a few years ago. It has been half a year since our last exchange, and our conversations would always surround the same topics of spirituality, religion, academia and our collective memories of Nepal. The intention would always be to catch up, as he was my closest confidant as well as my next door neighbour. Interestingly, our exchanges always served as a timeless space where we connected each other’s present selves to our past selves. And those identities merge into someone new. Where we were back then, where we are now, and everything in between. I never knew where our conversations would end up, but I always went in with a degree of curiosity and readiness to learn something new about him.
As time moves further away from that momentous semester, I find that the spiritual and intellectual connection we once shared dwindle with every conversation that we have. Dwindle in relation to that in the past. Our connection was rooted in that shared lived experience from that specific period of time, which indefinitely shaped the trajectories of both of our life paths. At the same time, new experiences continued to build onto the old. And as such, our perspectives on the same topics and how we reconcile with the past have also changed.
It is not to say we are any less good of friends, but merely acknowledging the change that has taken place within our friendship due to the passing of time. In result, we are also bound by something different now, whatever that may be. And this realisation is made possible by the conversations that we have, which has always been of an open and inquisitive nature. Without a certain level of mutual open-mindedness, respect and curiosity, these exchanges can certainly take a very different direction.
Our most recent catch up was the most frictional one yet, which at times felt like we were speaking different languages, yet trying to address the same issue. This friction made me feel uneasy, which is a strange feeling in combination with that of nostalgia and comfort. Perhaps we have travelled so far apart in our lives that our only points of convergence is in the past, or perhaps I need to embrace the discomfort and strangeness that accompany this newly formed relationship.
Our talk sparked an array of internal dialogues inside me, which I questioned my relationship with the past, with spirituality, the meaning of non-attachment, and the role thoughts play in dealing with the past. Are memories merely reflections of the past? Or are they also part of the present? Is our collective past the binding factor of our relationship in the present?
As these questions swim endlessly inside my head, I am reminded that our conversation was what enabled these provocations to come about. It was the dialogue that grounded me to the presence of our connection, requiring a commitment to openness, learning and exchange from both of us. My interaction with my friend reminded me of the importance of embracing change, in spite of all that is in the past.
Relationship is a dance, where you take steps together, follow the rhythm of life together, indulge in the passage of time together, and welcome change together. And that is what makes life beautiful.
