On Discovering the Power of Resilience and Self-Love
I am a firm believer in the power of resilience. Ever since I discovered the word and what it means, there have been significant moments in my life which deepened my relationship with it; and further cemented this idea that inner strength and perseverance is inherent in all of us. It is only a matter of having faith in ourselves and in the future in which we can cultivate that strength. The first time that I came to this realisation was my first experience with heartbreak when I was 14 years-old.
My best friend at the time was leaving and being transferred to a boarding school in another country, and I noticed she started distancing herself from me weeks before her departure. This was someone who had taken up the role of being my sister, my mom and my best friend all at once, as I did not exactly grow up with the love and nurturing that came with a healthy family dynamic. We shared that aspect in common, which is what brought us together in the first place. But she had plenty of her own demons to reckon with which I had absolutely no idea what to make of them, let alone help. Not only did I rely on her to take care of my emotional trauma, I also relied heavily on her in making friends and maintaining relationships with others. She was the only friend and family that I thought I had and needed.
What I did not realise at the time, was exactly how toxic and co-dependent that mentality was, not to mention untrue. I did not have any sense of independence nor did I have the desire to be. All I had done up until that point was to lay all my burden on someone else’s shoulders. And I was completely oblivious to it, to myself. It wasn’t until her avoidance pushed me to ask for clarification from her that I was sent down this extremely painful but surely critical path of self-discovery.
She said some things that made me realise how dependent I had grown on her as a friend and how detrimental it was to her mental health and to myself. And that I needed to learn how to be my own person as much as she needed to take care of herself. Her words had left me dumbfounded, guilty and heartbroken all at once.
Shortly after my best friend’s departure, I discovered a book written by the Australian supermodel Miranda Kerr, called “Treasure Yourself: Power Thoughts for My Generation” in the search of solace and the “self-discovery” that she had alluded to. As much as you might ridicule, what serious wisdom can possibly come from a Victoria’s Secret model — well, she surely introduced me to the art of self-love and resilience as she too, has experienced pain, loss and grief. As have all of us.
“I now say to myself, ‘I trust the process of life’ to remind me that even in the darkest hours there is still light and possibility.”
Before this book, the concept of self-love did not exist in me along with the little to zero self awareness that I had. So I would say I owe it to Miranda to have sent me down this journey of spiritual growth, of learning to embody my strength and my ability to bounce back from anything. But funnily enough, it was my best friend — whose words inflicted so much pain on me at the time- who ultimately left me with no choice but to discover myself. And I will forever be grateful for that.
I may no longer be 14 and fan-girling over Miranda Kerr, but the impact that her book has had on me and my journey towards self-growth ever since, is incalculable to say the least. Everything all eventually makes sense in retrospect, even if it feels nothing like it during the moment. This is what resilience means to me: understanding that time is the universal medicine to our inflictions and trusting yourself in your ability to heal and to open up your heart again to the world.
P.S. That friend and I reconnected a few years later and I still consider her one of my best friends. :)
