Writing: A Process of Overcoming my Fears
No matter who you are and what you do, self-expression takes shape in ways that are inherently unique to everyone. It is the “mark” you choose to leave on the world, through your words, your actions, and the relationships you build. For the longest time, I’ve shied away from fully expressing myself on whatever medium that exists, despite feeling a burning desire to do so. Especially in writing. I feel that whatever I put out, it must serve a greater purpose. Otherwise, it just adds noise to the oversaturated world that we live in already.
Well, isn’t self-expression itself enough of a purpose? Isn’t calling my ideas “noise” an act of self-rejection and denial? That my thoughts aren’t valuable enough to exist out there?
There have been so many times where I sat myself down and decided, that “today would be the day I write an article and start a blog”. And then I go on to imagine what that article would look like and how amazing it is to finally be able to develop the art of writing outside the context of academia. Every time I start, I find myself staring at this blank canvas that is my computer screen, my mind mirroring back the emptiness that is in front of me. What feels like an automatic response of “that makes no sense” or “this doesn’t sound smart enough” kills almost every idea that enters my mind. The very thought of writing something for the sake of external validation and presentation has always been at the forefront of my mind among other thoughts, and what actually prevented me from ever finishing anything.
In reality, there’s so much I want to say and write about, from the relationship between art and the mind to how social media is conditioning human sociality just to name a few. So, what’s stopping me?
Well, me. I’m stopping myself. As much as I know that creativity and “flow” comes from that place of complete presence with an almost trance-like quality, as many may experience with photographic and filmic practice, or dance, I find that the writing process engages my conscious in a way which makes that quality extremely difficult to access.
Self-expression is vulnerable. It’s honest. And it’s scary. There is a part of me that generates voices of criticism and skepticism which can easily overwhelm ones of imagination and playfulness. These voices not only validate the fear that exists in our minds, but prevent us from exploring the possibility of change. Of growth. This is not limited to creative practices like writing, but in every aspect of our lives.
So, what do we do with this voice that lives inside of us? How are we ever going to achieve anything?
Well, for one, we acknowledge “it”. Instead of trying to deny “it”, nod to its presence and how it’s making us feel about ourselves and our goals. This could take the form of engaging in an internal dialogue with “it” or going ahead with the goal you’ve set out for yourself alongside “it”. Whatever it is, the voice is a part of us and we must learn how to live with “it” one way or another. Who knows, perhaps we can even learn to become friends with “it” somewhere along the way.
And before I know it, I have written something that isn’t completely B.S. and the fact that I haven’t erased this article from the face of the Earth surely means something?
What I’m trying to say is, with every goal and intention we have for ourselves, there is bound to be a hint of doubt or fear, or both, which plagues our minds. But only when we can face that fear for what it is will it lose its power over us, and only then would we be able to fully immerse ourselves within the process of accomplishing that goal, regardless of the outcome.
